When a small group of Republican politicians began claiming that “men are under attack” a few years ago, it was easy to roll our eyes and scoff. Oh, the poor white guys, with all their influence and higher salaries and historical predominance in leadership roles—they must be soooo sad! Cultural touchstones of the past few years, from #MeToo to Taylor Swift, Barbie and now Kamala, have women cheering aloud about reclaiming some power after centuries of powerlessness.
But hear me out: Today’s men are struggling, and we need to listen. You should start by seeing Support Group for Men at Reno Little Theater.
Interestingly, this dramedy about four men who meet weekly to share their troubles and bear witness to each other’s lives was written by a woman. Ellen Fairey penned the play after a male friend described his own support group to her, explaining that members used a talking stick and Native American names as part of its supportive rituals. Fairey had begun to see that society’s shifting ideas about masculinity were contributing to a growing epidemic of male loneliness. And there’s evidence for this: According to one survey, 15 percent of American men report having no close friendships. Many men report feeling disconnected from society and depend on women to manage their social lives and rescue them emotionally.
This phenomenon is on display in Fairey’s play, and audiences will likely recognize the men in their own lives in the characters. That relatability is part of what makes the show hilarious.
Set in a Chicago apartment, the play opens as Brian (played by Layne La Vanway), puts out snacks in anticipation of his friends’ arrival. It’s Thursday night, time for his weekly support group. Soon, his three buddies arrive. There’s Brian’s younger co-worker at the Apple store, Kevin (Eduardo Arce-Gutierrez); his old high school buddy, Del (Dametrius Munerlyn); and a relatively new member of the group, Roger (Bradford Ka’ai’ai), a stereotypically macho guy whose job is cleaning the “Cloud Gate” sculpture (“The Bean”) and who barely tolerates the touchy-feely aspects of the support group.
The session opens with a ritual saging, as the men seem sort of sweetly oblivious to any cultural appropriation, and the “talking stick”—a baseball bat decorated in feathers and puka shells—is used to designate who has the floor to speak. Members give themselves Native American names. Nobody may comment while another has the talking stick, and when the speaker is finished, his fellow members pound their chests and grunt in solidarity.
Throughout the session, the men share concerns about their romantic relationships (or lack thereof), the painful invisibility that comes with aging, their fears about death, and their confusion about shifting gender norms. Then, when a fight breaks out below their window, and a young, gender-queer man named Alex (Joseph Villegas) flees the scene—right into Brian’s apartment—the night takes a comical turn to the bizarre and revelatory.
The cast is strong across the board, from Ka’ai’ai’s vulnerability as Roger, who confronts the shame of his loneliness; to Arce-Gutierrez’s lovable, wide-eyed curiosity as Kevin, who is so eager to bond with his new friends; to Villegas’ ability to turn what at first seems “other” into a highly relatable and even wise new friend.
Set shortly after the 2016 presidential election, on the cusp of the #MeToo movement, the play nicely captures a moment in time that, objectively, has been confusing for men. They’re often expected to be stoic and tough. Years of cultural programming have told them that sharing their feelings makes them weak. And a changing landscape of gender roles means they often don’t know what’s expected or needed from them. For these characters to find a safe place in which to be vulnerable is a kind of miracle. In one of the show’s most touching moments, Brian expresses hope that he’ll get through this tough period in his life: “I’ve got my guys.”
The play is empathetic, tender and at times heartbreaking in its portrayal of men’s fears and insecurities about finding where they fit in a changing world. But it neither preaches nor engages in gender-bashing. In fact, it’s remarkably uplifting and enlightening—not to mention one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in a long time.
The remaining performances of Support Group for Men take place Thursday through Sunday, Oct. 3-6 and 17-20, at Reno Little Theater, 147 E. Pueblo St. in Reno. Tickets are $28 with discounts for seniors and students. For tickets and information, visit www.renolittletheater.org/support-group-for-men.